There is nothing in my life that feeds my soul quite like hearing a story from an event I wasn’t at, about people I vaguely know and the dire consequences that followed.
I am only human.
If you are reading this thinking:
“GoD i HaTe g0SsiP”
Fuck you.
How dare you.
We are on this earth for a finite amount of time, and if the AI analysts are to be believed, this time could be even shorter than we expect.
So allow me a moment to find out what peptides my friend from uni’s friend from home’s ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend’s mum is selling.
God forbid we have community behind closed doors.
I know speaking well of people behind their backs is a virtue that builds trust.
So I am not advocating being two-faced.
But perhaps a tale about how your boyfriend is actually really into feet could cross my desk.
It doesn’t mean you don’t love him. Christ, I am sure you do, but come on, there’s nothing you want to run by me?
Plus, perhaps in a fairly masochistic way, I kind of LOVE to hear gossip about myself.
Mainly because in high school it made me seem so much cooler and riskier than I actually was.
Plus, now I have the kind of friends who make up gossip about me because we find it funny.
Something I have learned through repeated exposure is that there is nothing more fun than lying on a night out, so that is usually where the made-up gossip comes from.
This also stops me from bringing up Benjamin Netanyahu after a glass of Pinot.
That brings me to my next point. Sometimes, between friends, a story gains an arm or a leg. Nothing malicious, just a little creative licence. I’m not writing a witness statement.
I’m not writing a book.
I remember telling my friend a story about something someone at work told me, and at the end, I actually had to say:
“I don’t even know if that last part is true, but that’s how I closed off the story in my mind.”
We used to write fables and tell riddles.
Just because mine don’t rhyme or involve fairies doesn’t mean they’re not just as valuable to the culture.
Look at me now. I have dedicated this part of my life to bitching on a website that I host.
There is nothing wrong with a gossip betwixt friends.
Just be careful, because I have been confronted for my gossiping before.
I said something about a couple that I shouldn’t have, and one of their friends was there and told them.
They confronted me. I tried to divert attention to the friend who didn’t say anything at the time.
That did not quite work.
So I had to just be like:
“Yeah, I did say that.”
The blank look that came from them was a little astounding.
I don’t think they had prepared for an admission.
They didn’t hate me for what I said. They just didn’t like their names coming out of my mouth.
That’s when I decided I would be a journalist and fight for the rights of a free press.
I’m joking. I am pretty sure I grovelled for forgiveness.
So there are certainly ups and downs to the practice, but fuck, I do love a gossip.
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